A neuron takes 1/1000th of a second to fire an impulse
and send it along down the next neuron. After the Virginia Tech
shooting, our school set up a memorial dedicated to all 32 victims,
consisting of post-its stuck to the wall with confessions written
on every single one. Some said, I’m sorry you won’t make it home
for dinner tonight. Others said If grief is a catastrophe,
this has gotta be a hurricane.
And I remember how we made love in the car after,
our limbs so full of one another that you had to press me up
against the door so hard my back cracked, and the white skin
of your neck shining out of my palm. You compared the feeling
of being inside me to the second before a finger clicks the trigger,
before the act is completed and the bodies are all laid out,
one by one, like cards being prepared for a magic trick.
If it takes 1/1000th of a second to fire an impulse, then it only
takes 1/1,000,000,000 of a millisecond to stand at the edge
of desire and never come back.
I love you so much, you said, that I could kill you.