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one of those stupid love poems where the protagonist gets her heart crushed

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Out of the twenty-four apology texts you’ve sent me

in the last two weeks, the best one said,

I know that you and I have our disagreements

sometimes, but just know that if your heart

were a goldmine, I would spend the rest of my life

panning it for treasure.

The first time we slept together, the high I got

afterwards kept me off Prozac for a month-

you wanna know why? Because your mouth

was better than my daily dosage of medication.

But even Noah’s ark eventually got overloaded,

and suicide bombers would still pull the plug

even if the person they loved most of all

were standing directly in front of them.

And although neither of us could pronounce

Zach Galifianakis’ last name correctly when we

were together, at least your kisses don’t get me

so drunk that I have to appoint someone else

as my designated driver anymore.


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