i wanted to tell you this:

i wanted to tell you that our hands were millimeters apart.

i wanted to tell you that i could trap all your exhalations

and keep them in a jar by my bedside.

i wanted to tell you that i think about the sharp curve

of your jaw all the time,

about your thighs and the place where they touch.

i wanted to tell you that i fell in love with you

the moment i first saw you,

a boy with eyes like wine and a heart like gold.

i wanted to tell you to kiss me.

but i was too afraid to say all this

and so my life passed me by.

and we never touched,

and i never spoke to you.

but god, how i wanted to.