You were right about the two lines being too close together. You don't have to post this, but it made me feel a lot better when you said it didn't sound like yours. I get so self conscious, not that my writing isn't good enough, but that it is hidden behind so many layers of people who inspire me, I get lost myself.

I’m glad it made you feel better. And that’s a very common fear to have, of getting lost behind other writers.

To be honest, I thought your writing was fairly unique! I mean, “molasses plunging in obscure drabs” is not something you hear very often, or even anything remotely close to it.

Keep on writing!