Dear Life, I’m sorry for trying to break free of your chains
and run into the arms of your adopted sister Death so many times.
The truth is, she never once attempted to turn me away.
I was looking for a relationship built on danger
because safety was too much of a commitment.
And I have woken up too many times in the middle of the night
with a heart tired of feeling less like a plumbing system
and more like a sewer filled with rubbish in a city
with an average tourist visit count of zero.
When you left me roses I crushed them beneath my bootheels,
but when you gave me thorns I used them to try and slit
the veins of my own self-pity and ended up bleeding
out any remaining ounce of self-love instead.
Life, forgive me for choking on my own pulse like it was
a hard meal to swallow. You always forced it back up
and set it running again in no time.
No matter how often I pushed you away, you kept crawling back
through my window at night after my parents had gone to bed,
and you, you were the worst influence on me, but also the best.
Because no one else ever stayed longer than one night.
I wanted to break up with you, I envisioned myself keying
your initials into my car as evidence. But you were
the only constant in a world full of speed bumps, and I’m grateful
that you stopped me from stopping you.
Death wouldn’t give me my favorite kind of flowers on our first
attempted date, nor our second and third- they all wilted in her hands.
Dear Life, take me back. The rope was too short.
The water under the bridge was too far down.
The gun was full of blanks.
Dear Life, take me back.
It’s time we made amends.