Please don’t. Please, please don’t. You can do this. You can do this and you will do this. Think about all the things you will miss out on. The stars, the moon, the universe! Maybe one day you’ll fall in love with someone who loves you more than anything else, more than the world, and maybe you’ll get married and have children and you can watch your children grow up. I know it seems hard now; I know it seems deep and dark and terrifying and some days all you want to do is sleep forever, but you have to try. You have to try and I know it’s going to be so goddamn hard but I promise you, it will be worth it. You’re going to have to work hard but working hard to stay alive is the best thing you can do. There is a wonderful quote by Juliette Lewis that may help you- “The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.” Remember that, always.
And maybe you can start slow. Change is gradual. You have to find a reason to wake up every morning. As soon as your eyes open, come up with a reason. It can be small, seemingly mundane. Make yourself get out of bed so you can see the sun rise. So you can smell the aroma of coffee. So you can feel the cold floorboards beneath your feet and know that you still exist. Find a reason and follow it. And when you’re at school, or wherever you are, find a mantra to get yourself through the day. Repeat it over and over again till it’s engrained in your head. “I exist, I exist, I exist.” Or as Sylvia Plath would say, “I am I am I am.” Let that mantra become a part of you.
Think of ten things every day that you like about yourself. I know that can be terrifying and brutal, but do it anyway. Even if it’s a struggle. Keep that list and reread it as many times as necessary. Believe those ten things, and know they are true.
My love, you are so much braver and stronger than you think. You are wise beyond measure and you were bold enough to tell me you need help. Now be bold enough to stay here. Please.
You can do this, you can you can you can you can you can.